Questionnaire For Kayzale
Letters From The Bright Dark #7
Correspondence has been assessed and redacted as necessary. Date received: 09-09-87
Holding Centre for Intergalactic Criminals (HCIC)
FAO: Prisoner #900087281
Dear Kayzale,
You don’t know me, but I know you. I have eagerly followed your trial and am in the process of rallying support for your appeal. So far, only my good friend Pauline has signed the petition, but I haven’t been able to canvas as thoroughly as I should have liked, as I’m back working for the council on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Let me cut to the chase, Kayzale - I know in my heart of hearts that you had the right idea. Several brainwashed people in my life have repeatedly shown me footage of you razing a number of cities. They say you’re a harbinger of doom, a soldier of blood. Why can’t they use their brains? I read that interview you did with the Midweek Times, and I completely agree with your stance on population control. It’s hard for me to make the idiots I work with understand that this isn’t an immigrant thing! After all, you’re technically an immigrant, and you weren’t targeting a specific group of people. As far as I can tell, you were only getting rid of the really slow ones. That’s basically natural selection but just sped up a bit. I can’t even get my own sister to understand this and she did a Sociology degree. The lack of critical thinking astounds me.
I’ll do everything in my power to fight the misinformation circling on social media. Pauline is helping me promote my Y account as that’s where all the journalists are these days. I know one of them will see the light, I just need to get your story out there. For that, I’ll need a little input from you. Could you answer the questionnaire I’ve attached to the back of this letter? It’s part personality test and part interview; I think your answers will really help win the general public over.
Forgive me for asking, but does everyone from your planet have such striking features? I imagine if you’d approached Earth with a little less passion, you’d be walking red carpets and modelling for fashion brands by now. I’m particularly taken with the smooth, dark curves at the back of your head - someone suggested these might be part of a helmet, rather than your actual skull. Is that right? If so, I’d love to find out what’s underneath…
If you think that sounded suggestive, you’re right. It’s hard to flirt by way of pen and paper but please know that was an attempt. Pauline says I need to be less direct, but I hate to be misunderstood. Kayzale, it’s my intention to get closer to you. I’m in awe of your power and your dedication. I’m certain now that the mass-executions were necessary and I don’t blame you for trying to wipe out some of the life forms on this planet. Some of our lot even had a go at it but then the aliens started to come and do it better.
You’re not the first, and you certainly won’t be the last. We had that guy from Galaxy P-478c a few years back (he wasn’t anywhere near as handsome as you) who tried to take over Milton Keynes. His little bicycle thing couldn’t deal with the roundabouts - can you believe that? Thwarted by a basic piece of human infrastructure.
Those small fish-looking girls were probably next, but they didn’t even make it to land. Imagine not checking the salt-content of a planet’s ocean before deciding to plonk your great big wobbly ship down on it! Someone at head office got the sack that day, I’m telling you.
Most recent was that goat person (do you know if that’s offensive? I don’t mean it to be, he just has quite goaty legs) who I presume is still locked up in there with you. Could you tell him that I have a plush version of him sitting on my dashboard? He shouldn’t be in there either, bless his hooves, I was hoping they’d send him to the Institution.
Anyway, my point is that you clearly had what all those others didn’t: a vision. I could tell by how widespread the attacks were, and the violence of your approach. You didn’t halt, even when they’d neutralised you! I almost swooned when I saw the way your armour rippled as you launched yourself at the judge, I certainly blushed a little when I heard the rattle of your many, many fingers against the windows of the transportation vehicle. It wasn’t hatred flowing through you, but purpose. If you could just tell me what the next step of your plan was, perhaps I could REDACTED open hostility/rallying - -
Once you’re free, we can discuss all of this together. I know we’ll get on like a house on fire. Not sure if you have that saying where you’re from but it basically means we’ll be great together. I know you’ll see that I’m not like these other humans. I could be a great asset to you. I’m pretty, resourceful, and not opposed to getting my hands dirty.
Please write back at your earliest convenience. I’ll be waiting.
With all my love and support,
Cecily L. Gideon
Questionnaire for Kayzale:
What is your full name?
Do you have any siblings?
What’s your favourite colour?
Do you have star signs where you’re from?
Are you a Gemini?
How many people have you killed?
Why did those people deserve to die?
REDACTED sexually explicit - -
REDACTED sexually explicit - -
Was it tricky to get past the Earth’s defences?
REDACTED sexually explicit - -
Exactly how many fingers do you have?
What’s the best thing you’ve had to eat in prison?
Do you eat?
Do you find it hard to make new friends?
Is this your job?
REDACTED sexually explicit - -
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